Unengagement party.

It will be snowing on Christmas day. What the weather network doesn’t know, is that Christmas weeps for the lonely people in the world. Christmas tears are icey flakes, and pale, dry faces. Hearts try to glow, but Christmas men are frosty men.

shopping carts behind in the times

Flogging Design: Daily Disasters & Best Practice in Online Shop Design

View more documents from Matt Balara.

yay. someone said it.

a Wedding Invitation and Nothing New

Family, friends and lovers. You’re invited to acknowledge and celebrate the intimate union that your Mimi and Auggie have found with each other. As some of you may already know, we are expecting a physical manifestation of our love. As of right now, we don’t know what her name is, or how she will choose to grow, or how her environment will shape her, whether she truly will be a her, or a him.

Most of you will understand this invitation as a wedding invitation. Exciting! We understand that even in this time where we consider our ethics and knowledge advanced, and even after the powerful movements in the sixties and incredible revolutions in history, our wedding’s timing among many others do not fit our society’s ideals.

We are not especially devoted to religion itself, but rather, we try to dedicate ourselves to a spiritual connection to God (or whichever name you would like to use) outside of an institution. Because ultimately, I believe that we should learn to have a spiritual connection whether we are inside the confines of a religious meeting place or not. I forget who said this, but a Muslim said: “When we are in Mecca, it does not matter which direction we pray.” There is also a part in the bible I believe, about Moses and another man who did not give respect to God how Moses thought that God should be respected. But God told Moses, that it does not matter how someone gives their respect to God. I thank God for his Love and understanding and appreciation when someone is genuine when giving love. I believe that Auggie and I have been shown great love and mercy from everyone around us, and so we are fortunate to be able to give eachother that love that God have shown us. I believe that Adam and Eve was married by the highest Priest, God, Himself. If we are the descendants of Adam and Eve, I trust that the union between Auggie and I have already been blessed by God, so we do not see the need to ask a priest to do the honours while we still greatly respect his or her service to his or her morals.

I am grateful that the taxes we pay to the government allowed me to meet my family doctor, and the teachers who took their time to make sure I grew up to their highest standards. However, I do not see why a statement and money paid to the government is needed when the love that Auggie and I share have very little to do with the government besides saving on the taxes.

So here is the wedding invitation to announce and celebrate the love that Auggie and I shared from when we met each other till today.

The New World Exhibition

The Contemporary World Exhibition and Self-Willed Exhibitionism

Timothy Mitchell’s European citizen from the 19th century has shifted from objectifying observer to a role of a more globally and racially diverse observer, curator and the performer. While Saloni Mathur’s Tulsi Ram’s case for justice is relevant in history, today’s citizen has a new administration for justice. The citizen has now put him or herself on display. We are the new citizens that put ourselves under the scrutiny of our peers on the Internet through media such as blogs. After the 19th Century European observers, we follow them in learning through observation. Except this time, we shape ourselves (and our tastes) for peer evaluation and to determine who is above us, or less worthy in our world. We curate and we are the new exhibition.
Timothy Mitchell and Saloni Mathur both wrote about the European exhibitions that were popular in the 19th century. Timothy Mitchell acknowledges the common suggestion that the construction of colonial order is related to modern forms of representation and knowledge. (Mitchell, 294) But he shows us that the Orientalist view of the non-West as polar-opposite of the West, unchanging, passive, emotional, and chaotic, is not only in present Oriental studies, but in 19th Century Europe’s new procedures to organize the representation of the world. A major example of the apparatus that manufactured national identity and imperial purpose through producing racist and ethnocentric representations of otherness, are Europe’s World Exhibitions of the 19th Century. (293)
Through the accounts of non-Westerners (ie. Middle-Eastern & Indian) who visited Europe at that time, we learn that the World Exhibitions attempted to imitate the Orient by inserting the model city with the Europeans’ idea of Orient essentials, such as chaos, which they imitated by imported donkeys and their drivers; antiquity, which they emulated by making the buildings dirty; and tradition where they merely erected a facade of a fake Mosque. (295-8, 301) Everything was organized into a system of signification, where every object was like a facade of the Mosque, a signifier of something further. (295, 297-8, 302) At the museums, we find the classifications of different cultures: objects from different cultures of the world were arranged under glass, in order of their evolution. (298) In the public gardens, trees were organized so that they were brought in from every part of the world. (298) Extending the Western gaze, the Orientals noticed the curiosity they caused the Western viewers. Instead of being recognized as another scholar, for example, they were viewed as if they were part of the exotic exhibition. (295-297) The Orientals and their way of life were objectified and on display so that they could be inspected, and contribute to the exotic experience. (294-7)
While the Europeans established their certainty, producing imperial truth by organizing cultural differences in three ways: realism, model distinguishable from the real by time and place and the plan of the exhibition that came as catalogs, signposts, programs, guidebooks, instructions, educational talks etc. (297-300) These techniques of certainty allowed the observer to separate themselves from the exhibit, whilst immersed in the experience. (297-300) This caused the certainty of Imperial order that established the feeling of otherness, and cemented the European view of being central, above, ruling the objectified (thus able to ship exotic races around), like the power of the Almighty, All Powerful, All-Knowing (etc.) to be able to know the whole world, judge this world and move His subjects to any continent, or to Hell or Heaven. (293)
To look at how exhibitions like the ones mentioned above contributed in producing racist & ethnocentric representations of other cultures, we can additionally refer to Saloni Mathur’s article, Living Ethnological Exhibits The Case of 1886, when he mentions living exhibits as a performative genre, one that crosses scientific and entertainment purposes and at the same time, reinforces the hierarchical social evolutionary ideology at that time. (Mathur, 492) Mathur’s article focuses on producing a new outlook of the competing powers and the “acts of social management that constituted the events of 1886.” (493) He shows the relentless Tusi Ram, the old Indian man who managed to defy and weaken Britain’s proud, imperial stance by being a “financial liability and as an embarrassing comment on their governance” because he is “the old Hindoo who wishes to see the queen.” (499) Mathur offers this important perspective that shows that there is more complexity to the social issues around the exhibitions than of Mitchell’s discussion of how the ethnic cultures were objectified. As Mathur opens up and explores new territory on Mitchell’s discussion of a mainly passive observer and passive, objectified people, I start to explore the roles of observer and person on display in today’s exhibitions.
Today, we have similar museums and exhibitions that also gather, sort and organize objects from various parts of the world, and different time periods, such as the Royal Ontario Museum. Similar to the 19th museums and world exhibitions, it is meant to be educational and entertaining (Mitchell, 297). But today, a more common and more accessible world exhibition exists at our fingertips. Today, we can have both the contemporary cabinet of curiosity or museum, as well as the world exhibition right at home, on our computers. The Google Street-view and satellite view is an immersive and also an objective type of view on the world. Anyone who has access to the internet and Google Earth can have the chance to be above the world – now the Middle East can turn the tables on the West, and observe the West, while the West observes the Middle East on an equal level of display and objectification. While this miniature world is a photographic representation, so often regarded as synonymous with truth, but it still maintains its separation from the observer, so the observer from the 19th century, would feel its worth to colonize and assume its imperialist power. However, Google-Earth, while popular, remains still a small part of the Internet. Since the Internet’s reach is across the globe, users of the Internet will observe through foreign contributions to the Internet, that they are not the only ones with the power to view the world on their computers. Instead, the Internet is democratic and has become a popular place to share knowledge in the form of moving and static images, audio and text.
I focus on blogs, because I am a trained web developer, and I have been involved with blogs as both a blogger and a reader or follower at the very start of its popularity until today. Of course, there are other examples to show the desire to be on display, including the line-ups of young women at Ford Models Supermodel of the World competitions with the desire to be a coveted model, a famous sports star, and other types of celebrity, in print, advertising, and television. In today’s world, being part of a display, or collection means that you are valuable. It is a coveted position.
Not only does the internet provide a space for the new objectified people on display, but curation today, also has a new space. In this new space, we are able to learn by observing just as the 19th Century museum and world exhibitions encourage. But this new observation comes with new expectations and results. The world exhibitions and museums of the 19th Century put other cultures on display so citizens could ideally learn more about those cultures from observing. Today, we have community blogs such as the Baby Art community on LiveJournal (http://community.livejournal.com/babyart/). Here, as a member of the community, we both post our own findings of relevant art, and observe the taste of our peers. It is no longer one role per person. No one is superiour than the other in terms of race or economic status or even artistic ability. Instead we can learn about the worth of each other based on the collection of visuals (often by various different artists) we contribute to the community blog, to define the ranking of our taste. Most of these blogs will have comment features, allowing open dialogue between the curator/ performer and the observer. I consider the curator also the performer, because whether the work or object presented is his or her own, the curator is exposing his taste out in the community, the resulting risks (of non-approval from society) like the performer’s exposure of their performance.
On the perspective of personal blogs, which became popular perhaps because it was someone’s personal diary, exposed to you, the interested stranger. You could know the author in person, but you could still remain an anonymous reader. You become sort of an invited Peeping Tom. As the history of personal blogs matured, it was more and more common to find blogs that speak to the reader, and speak of topics that would interest the reader, rather than the sad, repetitive topic of a broken relationship for example. As blog readers get jaded by poor writing, we see clearly that in the giant sphere of the internet it is difficult to stand out from the crowd and for the crowd to notice you for your excellence, rather it be for your writing style, your exciting life, your artwork, or your taste in fashion and design. Today, bloggers look to collect as many hits or followers as possible for their blog. These are signs that your blog is popular, which often means, worthy to read out of the sea of blogs on the internet.
I see these communities, not only as a way to exhibit your desirability to the world, but also as a way to look for approval, and to see how you stand in the eyes of your peers and compared your peers. Here you are vying for the top spot. Contrary to the Euro-centric observer of the 19th century, the observer today is also the performer vying for the stage spotlight. It is the revolution from the observer on the Eiffel tower looking down to observe and judge the world, to the stage, where the performer is being judged by the world below him or her.

Why I Eat Ice Cream

I’m not actually eating ice cream. It’s Rice Dream. An organic hippy made this fake ice cream with ingredients like “sans gluten”, and sugar cane. Maybe it would be more appropriate to call this Heaven, because I do not feel guilt, and I feel sexy in a bathtub full of it.

This Heaven stuff is among a list of events that feel good, that aren’t going to make you feel worse. This list becomes more vital everyday as deadlines are approaching, and babies are coming.

First remedy is a shower. It revitalizes your aura, or halo.
2nd remedy Heaven-Stuff. It does not require cooking, or garlic smell in your hair.

I don’t really have much more. But going grocery shopping is a great excuse to take a walk, when other forms of procrastination just make you feel sicker. A trip to the bookstore is also wonderful, because you do not end up with a stack of library books that don’t fit in your backpack, and which you are forced to read them before the due date, instead of your course readings. Doing the laundry would be a great item to add to the list. unfortunately, I am too lazy to do it by hand, since our machines made my clothes smell like man-gymsocks when they got out of the dryer. Other than drawing a beautiful picture, while chatting on the phone, I do not have anymore low-guilt procrastination techniques.

war at a distance

The mere title of the exhibition: War at a Distance, reminds us that we are not in the war, but observing from a distance. The first part of the exhibit is a perfect example of our experience as Canadian viewers at home. Today at home, we can find snippets of the war in Afghanistan on the news, or buy the latest military video game. Both of these experiences and others like it, are often experienced in the comfort of our own homes. When you sit down to watch this first video, you will notice that there is wallpaper where the patterns are made of images of war (Francesco Simeti’s installation, Watching the War). However, the wallpaper gives us a homey feeling. Its design is just like the wallpaper in some older Canadian homes, maybe like that of the house you grew up in. The way the video is presented in the gallery space shows us the contrast of a comfortable home and an exotic world. It’s hot, dry, and in the desert. Our toy soldiers that fight in our fantasies are living and dying inside the television. Existing within the television, they move with the weight of their heavy uniforms in the hot sun. Even if we are soldiers, here, we watch them in this safe space: without direct effects of the sun, explosions and interactions with locals, enemies and our army colleagues.

The next room enlightens with more representations of war; various in its disciplines. They all have their own perspective and aspect of the war to show: Photographs with accompanying sound, a radio play, traditional Afghan rugs in a video, an interview, and portrait illustrations and portrait photography. The exhibit in its multifaceted way reminds us that the war is a complex, difficult-to-comprehend event.

Talking to the Taliban, Graeme Smith, Globe and Mail reporter: This video featured the enemy: Young adult boys were being interviewed about their views on the war, themselves, their community and their enemy. As I go through each interview, I find out that these boys have a limited and skewed perspective of Canada (their enemy), and other Muslims when contrasted with general Canadian, and a more expanded Muslim perspective (Muslims outside the Taliban). It leads us to question our own views of the Taliban: perhaps our view is skewed as well – about their country, their views, religion, and generally, where they come from. The distance from direct experience affects our judgment and next: our reactions or actions.

Louie Palu is a Canadian photojournalist responsible for the series: Zhari-Panjwai: Dispatches from Afghanistan – a wall of photos that distinguishes itself from the videos. It is accompanied by sound. The absence of moving images (which are usually associated with being closer to reality, in comparison to photos), gives us more space to imagine the experience, rather than being given more evidence of the reality. I must admit, that I am jaded by the recurring photos of foreign countries and their occupants caught in war, but the sounds of the war had a fragmented, confusing effect, perhaps an accurate description of experiencing a part of the war experience first-hand.

Afghanimation, Allyson Mitchell, Canadian multimedia artist shows Anti-War Rugs. Women who are experiencing the war depict the experience using traditional Persian rug techniques. The war images give what is traditionally in the home, a cartoon feel to the war. Perhaps my reaction is my lack of middle-eastern understanding. Anyway, the images of the war show us unrest where it is meant to be home, especially since women are usually associated with mothers – and mothers are associated with home.

Elaborating on the idea of disruption of the home, or security, Postings from Afghanistan, Richard Johnson shows security being confronted on a daily level. These are illustrations and sketches of daily life “beyond the wire” shown as a PowerPoint presentation. These illustrations could be part of a storybook epic, but instead, they represent non-fictitious days, where any moment could turn into a dangerous or disastrous situation.

Citizen/Soldier is a portraiture series by Suzanne Opton of civilians and soldiers experiencing the war directly. These photos show these individuals close-up, as if you can sense their life endurance during the war, as well as their weaknesses that a family member might see. We recognize them as humans, but strangers who are now living life in large contrast to our own, cushy, non-war zone home. Should we emphasize with them, as we would round characters of a Hollywood movie? Perhaps we can compare this personal representation of these real-life individuals with another personal representation, but instead, of fictitious army-men…

Afghanada is CBC radio play by Andrew Moodie, Greg Nelson, Adam Pettle, and Jason Sherman and directed by Gregory Sinclair. The stories told of the soldiers’ experiences are fiction, but differ from popular negative portrayal of the army in the press, for example, because their stories are made personal with the sounds that they hear, and the relationships and obstacles they encounter. The war becomes close-up and personal, yet it is still a fantasy, distant from first-hand experience.

Our distance from the war may alienate us in terms of an authentic war experience. But War at a Distance shows that even inside the War, it is a confusing, and undefinable as a single account. Just as the individuals and representations feature; backgrounds, intent and views of the artists responsible for the works; and the patrons who commissioned the works are varied, the mediums and results of these representations of war in Afghanistan agree that the war is an unresolved conflict of views regardless of distance.

How I disappear

Sometimes I don’t ask to disappear. But weeks like today, I disappear despite my intentions.

I disappear into books, into the library. At home, I disappear mostly into Google searches. Next, I want to disappear into my emails. Because I want to write someone else beyond myself. My hours are on the computer, searching horoscopes for company, library searches for pregnant yoga, specifically for the books that have pictures of other women in them. It would be closer to being in a yoga group. When I go to the library, I skip the machines where I can scan the barcodes on my own. I choose to bother the students working at the counter. I realize, I just want some human contact. It’s not a question of whether I am desperate or not. I’ve already realized that I want to talk to people. My most exciting moments of the week are going to lecture, where I can sit and listen to my Anthropology professor speak partially to me. I’m one of the two hundred girls sitting, listening.

artistic credibility

I started out with this video, planning to glorify my identity as an artist with interview quotes and attention from the authorities in the art world. They could be art critics, BBC narrators, curators or other artists who are established, or even the elite audiences who frequent high-profile art shows (I had trouble finding art critics for my video, because they mostly express themselves with text or speaking within tight art communities). I was attempting to produce myself as an artist, not in the same way as pop stars, but maybe closer to General Idea’s glorification of themselves as glamourous artists. I wanted art authorities to say my name. It should be as simple as that, right? I could show my credibility as an artist simply by referral and association. My plan was to build a faux credibility by take existing interviews and other footage of art authorities walking through museums, etc. The end product would be an illusion of my work’s importance and my importance as an artist that would be composed of clips of the assumed factual – the documentary and its interviews. As I collected footage of art authorities, I discovered the gaps in my idea. Most of the dialogue talked specifically about the artist or the work’s contribution to the art world, the specific questions, assumptions or energies around the work. I thought I could simply substitute the artist’s name and work with my own, but the problem is still there: the speakers in the video represent the viewers who would need a reason to accept my work beside the art canons. I thought my video was going to show the politics of artistic fame, but instead, my work is merely an artifact of culture (or whatever it’s classified as) when presented strictly through referral and association. General Idea said that they were not concerned with producing great art. Instead, they focused on being famous artists, where their work did not matter: “we wanted to be artists and we knew that if we were famous and glamourous we could say we were artists and we would be. We never felt we had to produce great art to be great artists. We knew great art did not bring glamour and fame.” For this video, we are not solely looking for glamour and fame, since the authorities are talking about great work. Producing my credibility by pretending that my work is the great work they are talking about is empty. Instead, in this video I am attempting to push the viewer to ask: What makes the transition and difference between great art, and recognized great art, if great at all? Can artwork exist without audience or meaning? How does meaning get filtered through art authorities?

We are constructive, non-apathetic, truth-abiding citizens

It is not about escaping our behaviours that have been learned into our bodies – Some of us can run to the unpopulated woods to be ruled by no one, as long we become a part of the woods and as the woods stay anonymous with no societal distractions; But as long as we live, today we are surrounded by the bodies that the old sovereign, oppressive power have left for the new constructive biopower. These bodies work together, building new truths. Unless we join in the race for power, we will be left behind, since we are without our own justifications for our choices. If we are not looking for power and we have the ability to be indifferent to the general population’s idea of the world around us, as in, we live in our own world, such as that of an autistic person. Then we have succeeded in resisting this power. Which tempts me to read Foucault’s book on madness someday, but not today. Today I want to understand Foucault’s Truth and Power with help from Barthes’ Elements of Semiology (where he often works from Saussure).
Speaking of Autism, I don’t know much about Autism and whether it is still considered madness, neither in personal experience nor out of books. But I understand that bodies are diagnosed with mental illnesses that say: this body is not normal, and needs to be fixed. My intent is not to critique psychology. But let us not forget that these books, doctors and newspapers collect to create the ultimate truth about such complexities and to even give it a name and a category. Foucault was trying to tell us that there is no truth since we can see, with the example above, that truth is subjective.
I want compare Barthes following on Saussure’s signifier and signified with Foucault’s thoughts on power. The idea is that there is no natural connection between the signifier and signified. That means that all signs are constructed by us with no fixed meaning. We can compare that to Foucault’s thoughts on truth: truth is constructed by several discourses that work together, reinforcing and reworking the original into new truths. Even though we designate meanings to the signs ourselves, we do not “own” it. Since signs make a part of language and language is a way for us to understand each other, we have to be a collective that agrees on a similar meaning of a sign. To be part of a society, we have to be connected to other members of the society. To be part of Foucault’s collective of bodies, we have to agree to certain truths, or if we have different opinions on the truth, we will fight it out with our justifications, in order to understand and relate to each other.
However, we should not limit ourselves to linguistics when it comes to semiotics, since information or truths come at us in various forms. Barthes works from linguistics to expand into imagery. We learn how we read and interpret the meanings of images in the translinguistic field. It is based on linguistics from culture, and applies it to the world at large. There is the shallow meaning at the surface, and then a deeper meaning that we find when we consider the context it is in. Signs are put together to make new and sometimes, a more complex meaning. Foucault helps us understand how these representations are made. Thinking of power, the meanings of the signs are not reinforced by violence. The signs are constructed by the people, themselves. A perfect example would be Wikipedia: the people restate what they believe is the truth, which is learned from authorities of the truth. Now the general public has become an army for truth. The same goes for commercial products, like skincare: there are online testimonials from customers who believe the product has worked marvelously for them. Just like what the billboard promised visually: a face enveloped in flawless, glowing skin, when we apply their lotion. That is Barthes’ perceptual and cultural meaning working together to construct Foucault’s truth.

Just like Barthes’ exploration of connotations that come from relating various signifiers, we find new meaning, or new understanding of truth and representation and its relation to power when comparing Foucault to Barthes. A new truth is constructed, and this response is as powerful as its justifications.

Flat as a Flounder

I check for beauty every once in a while, hoping to see a Victoria’s Secret face looking back at me: I look at the mirror, and the mirror says to my face: Round shape, filled-out cheeks, matching eyes, that puff from the top of lash-line to my eyebrows. My mother told her inquiring friends that my eyes were even more swollen when I was a little girl. My English, half-Persian ex-boyfriend tells me my face is like the moon. The French man admired my face for its “Sleepy-eyes.”

As a teenager, I was learning that make-up is more than just red attitude on your lips. There is mascara, and eyelash curlers. As I saw more make up every year on my classmates, I began to see that those who wore it well caused a hush and a stir when they walked by. The girls who looked like models had long, thick eyelashes that defied gravity. They all had long, slender faces that finished like closing sides of a triangle. Their cheekbones were cliched – cut sharp where they blushed. The smoldering nymphets easily brushed on the smokey-eye every morning. I bought Covergirl black eyeshadow and watched the panda bear appear: Chubby-cute face and black-circled eyes.

The idealistic face in my experience, comes from my western-centric environment. I come from Vancouver, a city full of foreign immigrants, especially Chinese immigrants. But we rely on the local, available resources for beauty. Once I thought my grandmother, and my mother were the most beautiful women on the planet. But we went shopping and all the campaign models had large-looking eyes, and brown or blonde hair. I couldn’t help growing up with Canadian and American editions of Elle and Vogue magazine where all the models had beautiful, European faces.

Today, I search make-up tutorials for Asian faces, because in my experience, the standard make-up tutorial worked well on girls with an Aryan face, but not me.

I identify the Aryan face to include: An intelligent nose: which means, a long, slender nose with a defined bridge; deep-set eyes, which make the eyes appear bigger, as well as the defined crease in the eyelids; A structured face with sides that go back, closer to an acute angle.

My Chinese face: My nose does not have a noticeable nose bridge, its tip is round and upturned so you could see the round holes of my nostrils; My eyes appear small because of the swollen lids, and the consequent lack of shadow under my eyebrows. My lashes are thin, short and fall straight at the ground; My face is square-jawed, filled-out to a circle shape, with no angles and no perspective: It is flat and round as a flounder.

My humble judgment of my face: Because of the roundness of my face, and the upturned, also rounded nose, I was self- conscious that I looked like Miss Piggy from The Muppets. It does not help that most makeup shows on my face in a similar, non-demure way.

In How to Look Like a Beautiful Model (a casual step by step make-up video tutorial), I explore the ideals I have collected in my life with make-up. In the video, I hide and change the non-idealistic features of my face, which happen to be distinct and common features in some Chinese faces. At the beginning of the video, I show pictures of Victoria’s Secret models – they will be the model face from which I work from. I will use make-up to change my appearance to a more idealistic one, “enhancing” the features that need to become more prominent, and disguising or hiding the unwanted features.

I don’t have a plan for the consequence of making this video. But I am afraid that the video might turn out to be merely a make-up tutorial by a disillusioned Chinese girl. Which might work out, as I have been, for a long time, confused about my face, focusing on how to make it more meaningful to others by making it universally beautiful.